Open Wounds
by Marie Writer
Summary: Follows after the deleted scene in KoTOR 2 where Atton gets his arm chopped off... but he survives but how he handles it 3 months after may not be as good as Nik would have liked. Will she search love else where or will Atton come to his senses in time? Purely Atton/Exile romance.


X.x.X.x

The Exile, Nikalette, sat up in bed rapidly; something was wrong.

She slowly went through the ship using the force to check on all of her friends, everyone was sleeping soundly, even the droids were all in hibernation for the night. It seemed like everything was fine; sighing she shifted in her bed, repositioning her body on the bumpy mattress and laid back down in her bunk, resting her head on her pillow thoroughly confused to why she had thought something was amiss.

Then it was there again - that feeling… a disturbance.

She sat back up and threw her legs over the side of the bunk and closed her eyes, using the force once more she went through the thoughts and noises of all the people and things on the ship.

Then she realized what it was, and she almost dismissed… again.

Atton.

Nikalette got off of the bunk, not really caring her only blanket was now lying on the floor, and grabbed her robe as she made her way to the cockpit. She passed her favorite little droid, T3-M4, on the way -patting him on the head as she walked by and walked down the short hallway to the cockpit.

When she got there she couldn't stop the small sigh that escaped her lips and wrapped her robe around herself tightly then wrapped her arms around her waist and took a step forward.

She stood almost right behind the chair and looked over the pilots shoulder; he was slouched in the chair, his chin touching his chest, and had a blanket pulled over himself that came up to his neck. His, usually, well combed brown hair was mused and falling in his face and sticking up in all different directions.

Unable to resist a small smile, she moved in front of him and knelt down so that she was not exactly in front of him and not exactly beside him. She studied his face carefully, looking for signs of distress that would match the feeling she had felt earlier.

Resting her hands on the arm rest her eyes darted across his features but he seemed at peace. Just as she was about to stand back up he moved suddenly. She moved backwards and removed her hands from his chair in surprise and called his name quietly but it went unheard. His head jerked from side to side and his face was etched in pain and confusion - his eyebrows were furrowed together, his lips in a form of a scowl.

He threw his arm out which removed his blanket, throwing it on the floor, and in doing so revealed a thin layer of sweat covering his neck and chest. She gasped and ducked her head when his right mechanical arm swung her way; his hand missing her face by inches, she felt the wind rush past her.

"Nikalette…" He slurred in his sleep.

_X.x.X.x_

"_Nikalette…" He breathed, standing idly in the center of the large room, his arm was gone and his whole shirt was stained in crimson red. _

"_Atton!" She cried and ran to meet him, he stumbled part of the way towards her, meeting half way._

_She caught him just as his legs buckled under him, lowering them both to their knees. His cold and sweaty face fell against her neck, his breath tickling her skin but she hardly registered it instead focused on the feeling of having him there with her… though she never imagined it would be like this._

_Atton… the strong, dry humored, brave, man was shaking, cold and bleeding out in her arms. "Wh-who did this to you?" _

"_That old, falling apart sonofa-" he coughed and started to fall away from her but she caught him and held his body in her lap, his head resting in the crook of her arm. "bitch." He finished. _

"_Where is he?" She asked looking around worriedly._

"_Dunno…" He winced and swallowed hard from the pain emanating from all parts of his body, "Ran off… I think I scared him." He winked and Nickalette felt the corners of her mouth pull upward but how could she laugh or even smile at a time like this… how could he?_

_She shifted her weight so that her legs were drawn up to the side of her, posing as a backrest for Atton as he reclined in her; his legs stretched out in front of him, head in the crook of her right elbow, where his left arm would be was pressed up against her stomach serving as a temporary bandage._

_With her left hand she touched the side of his face feeling her stomach clench at how ashen and cold he was. "Oh Atton…" She whispered and he shook his head, too weak to do much else then lay there and allow himself to be coddled. _

"_I'm fine… really." He assured quietly, "I'm fine…" _

_Nikalette found herself trying to blink away tears as she pulled his shirt away from his chest, opening the flaps and unbuttoning them with trembling fingers, it didn't help that the shirt was doused in slippery blood. She couldn't help flipping her gaze between his eyes and his missing arm despite knowing that it was probably just making him feel worse._

X.x.X.x

Watching him closely she stood up and brought her hand to his forehead, gently brushing away the hair that had fallen into his eyes."Atton… Shh…" She couldn't be certain what he was dreaming about or even if he could hear her but she hoped her voice and touch offered some comfort, then again she was probably just watching too many vids. "Atton… wake up." She tried again.

"_No_!" He yelled out and threw his right arm out, catching her in the jaw.

Startled she brought her hand to her jaw and moved it around to make sure it wasn't dislocated, luckily that it wasn't, and grabbed his wild arms attempting to hold them down on the arm rests.

Nikalette leaned towards him, pressing the side of her face to his, "_Atton Rand_! Wake up!" She screamed in his ear.

His eyes flew open and he struggled at first, thinking they were under attack. After a moment of panic he relaxed and focused his eyes on her face, noticing the blood on her lips."What happened?"

She looked at him confused for a moment and he touched his own lip and tapped it a few times. Squinting her eyes she touched the part of her lip he was feeling the blood she made a face before shrugging, "I ran into a wall." She said quickly and released his arms. "Are you alright?"

He sat up a little in his chair and nodded, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"There was a… 'disturbance' in the force."Nikalette said quietly before leaning back on the console between the two different pilots chair and studied him.

Now that he was awake he seemed more like himself complete with a cocky look and a smirk on his face. "Ooh a 'distuurbaaance'…" Atton said and waved his hands in the air.

"Atton." She said and squinted her eyes at him, Atton looked at her and then huffed before running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm his wild mane. What she didn't understand was that he was a Jedi himself, and yet he continued to poke fun at it.

Then again ever since Malachor V things between them had been a little less than pleasant and it couldn't be more evident than it was when he looked at her. Her eyes slowly moved from Atton's handsome face to his hand, and then couldn't seem to bring her eyes off of it until Atton followed her gaze and hid it under the blanket.

Perhaps that was why there was so much strain on their relationship now.

"I wish I could do it over again." She admitted sadly and looked down at the floor.

"Why so you won't feel guilt anymore?" Atton said, even though Nikalette wasn't looking at him she could feel the glare burrowing a hole in her head.

"That's not what I said…"

"No that's just what you think."

X.x.X.x

"_That bad huh?" He asked, his voice brought her gaze back to his face and she shied away at his intense gaze. _

"_You'll be fine." She said softly as she tucked her hair behind her ear then reached out to the force to feel out the extent of his injuries before allowing the force to flow through the two of them. His face contorted in pain as the bruises and cut flesh began to mend themselves a process that was more painful than getting the injury in the first place, depending on the extent of the injury. "I'm sorry…" She whispered and he nodded pressing his face into her stomach to try and find an outlet for the pain._

X.x.X.x

"What's happened?" Nikalette asked suddenly and shot her head up and stared him right in the eye, making him shift uncomfortably.

"Now what are you talking about?" He asked, the question sounded kind enough but his look was still angry.

"What happened between us, I mean." She added while motioning her finger between the two of them.

"I dunno what you're talking about." Atton scoffed.

Nickalette shook her head and closed her eyes. "Fine." _Be that way._ She finished the comment in her head.

Standing up straight, shoulders back, she walked out of the cockpit and back to her room. "It was better when he was having a nightmare." She said angrily as she closed and locked the door behind her and sat down on the edge of her bed. Nikalette was certain he had been dreaming about her but she couldn't be sure if that was good or bad.

Atton almost died because of her, and he _did_ lose his arm. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't regret what happened, she blamed herself and always would. What more did he want from her?

Nowadays she wasn't sure if she should leave him in the ship during missions or take him with her; if she left him he may think that she doesn't think he can do it anymore, if she brought him he may not have her back the same way anymore - Atton used to be, really, the only person she could rely on not to stab her in the back… but now…

Frustrated she stood, pivoted to face her bed and kicked the bunk; three seconds passed before she realized how stupid that was and fell to the ground, holding her left foot.

She had meant what she said; if she could go back she would have tricked everyone in staying behind while she took the Hawke by herself to Malacor V… apparently doing what Revan had done to her husband, Carth all those years ago.

Then nobody would have gotten hurt.

A loud rapping on her door caused her to jump a little, still sitting on the floor like a child, nursing her foot she growled, "_Go away_! I'm sleeping!" She screamed, the screaming was a combination of anger, pain and making sure they could hear through the thick door.

"I want to talk to you." A voice said from behind the door and that voice brought her to her feet and she used the force to unlock and open the door.

"Atton," She greeted, trying to balance on her good foot rather than put weight on her injured one.

"Hey," he replied and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before shaking his head. "You know what… never mind."

"No!" She took a step forward, "Please." She stood in the middle of the room awkwardly and stared at him. "Stay…"

Atton had his back turned to her and looked over his shoulder. "Why would you do it over again." More of a demand than a question.

Nikalette stared at him for a moment before opening her mouth to reply though nothing came out at first. As soon as she blinked she spoke, "Because if I could re-do what happened, I could stop you from coming, if not that I could, at least, come sooner and save you from Sion… if I could go back I could have saved _us_." She stressed the last part, that was what she wanted to change most but she just couldn't. "I could have saved us…" She repeated softly.

Atton stared at her long and hard before he took a step forward towards her. "Saved us…?"

"When I was holding you in my arms you admitted to me that you had loved me… I admitted the same and now here we are. You can hardly stand to look at me!" She shouted when he looked down at the floor and didn't look back up. "If you hadn't… if I hadn't been… damnit." She finally gave up and threw her hands up in the air and turned her back towards him.

_X.x.X.x_

_She reached into her pack desperately her hand still shaking out of panic. Atton watched her, almost, amused, "I should tell you…" _

"_Don't do that. Do not do that." She stopped looked for a med pack and glared at him. "Do not say goodbye," She warned as she pushed her long red hair behind her ear and away from her face, "you're not dying."_

_Atton smiled up at her his eyes seemed clear for the first time since she had gotten to him, "I love you Nik…" He said with a cocky smirk._

_Nikalette scoffed and put her chin up and looked behind her to hide the tears that now broke surface, "That's just the blood loss talkin'" she breathed and wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand to avoid smearing his blood on her face. _

"_No… it's not. I love you… I have all along… from the moment I saw you." He whispered and grabbed at her hand, pulling her attention towards him again. _

_She took her hand out of his grasp and ran her fingers through his hair, "I loved you from the moment you swore under your breath because I found clothes to wear…" She choked on the lump in her throat but managed a small smile. He laughed but when the motion rattled his cracked ribs and bruised chest he winced and coughed, "Oh god I'm sorry…" She said quickly and fished for a med pack before plunging it into his thigh, giving him immediate relief and allowing him to breathe easy for a moment. _

_There was a familiar noise of a lightsaber opening behind her somewhere and she jumped and glanced over her shoulder._

X.x.X.x

"You left me." He pointed out.

X.x.X.x

_She moved out from under him and lowered him to the stained tile floor below him, cradling his head longer so she could set it down gingerly but once she did she cupped both of her hands around his face so he was looking up at her. "I will come back for you." She promised, tears still dripping down her cheeks. _

_He took a shuddering breath and she smiled and wiped blood away from his lips before pressing hers to his carefully, "I love you" She whispered before pulling out her "emergency blaster" she always carried in case she needed a ranged fight or if she required help from someone who didn't have a weapon, and pressed it into his right hand. "Just in case," she said and then left her satchel by his right side so he could get whatever he needed from there as well. _

"_Don't go…" he rasped, his eyes darting across her face._

_Nikalette bit her lip and furrowed her brows in regret, "I swear I'll be back for you." She repeated and placed a few med packs on his unwounded part of his chest so he could use them easily if he needed to. "I swear it." She breathed before pressing her lips to his again and then running away, around the corner where they'd heard the noise._

X.x.X.x

She spun around to face him, fire in her eyes. "I couldn't let him get back to you! I wasn't just going to wait around for him to find us again and kill you!"

"_You left me!"_

"I _protected_ you_!_" She argued limping forward, "There's a difference!"

Atton looked up and down the length of her, a bloody lip and a limp… "Wha-"

"He would have killed you!" She shouted, not letting him speak. Atton buttoned up and stared at her in defeat.

The word "protect" caught up with him from when he had been distracted with her injuries and his eyes snapped to her face, "I don't need protecting!"

Sighing Nikalette turned away from him so that her left shoulder was facing him and she was looking out the small window where stars rushed by as autopilot kept them in hyper drive. "No… I suppose you don't." She sighed again her shoulders slumping as she released the breath. "but I love you, and that means that I will do whatever I can to make sure that Idon't lose you. Whether that means protecting you from Kreia, Sion, or yourself…"

Again his eyes snapped to her, his gaze darting over her figure she looked tired and defeated… sad. "I never meant to hurt you." He said quietly though neither of them could tell if it was referring to her heart or her bloody lip.

"That's not what this is about." She said just as quietly and wiped at her eyes trying to make it look more like she was tired instead of wiping at tears that threatened to fall.

"Why," He started and cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair again, "Why would you do it over again?" He asked this time, his voice so quiet she had to strain to hear his words.

"because…" She started and shook her head, turning her back to him as she continued. "Because I don't want you to be the person you've become. You've become so angry and bitter towards everyone, again. It's like having to start over. Before-" her voice cracked and she paused to try and get control of her emotions again. "Before your injury." She continued, "I could have sworn that… that you loved me." She whispered and a small sound emanated from Atton but she threw her hand up to stop him as she continued. "Now I look at you and… and you just seem empty and angry at me… and the times I think I see even an _inkling_ of love… it disappears." She finished, pain bleeding through her voice.

Atton didn't know what to say and just stood there staring at the back of her head, wishing he could just walk up to her and run his fingers through her red locks again, but knew he couldn't… not after what she just confessed – she didn't even believe he still loved her. Pausing he looked down at the floor suddenly feeling like he shouldn't even be there anymore, did he still love her? He thought he did… he knew he did.

_Then why do I keep pushing her away? _

She looked up and turned around tucking her hair behind her ear in the way she always did when she was flustered or nervous. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

Surprised he looked up but before words could even leave his gaping mouth she cut him off.

"I don't know why expected different…" She said and crossed her arms around her waist self consciously, _why was she always so thin? How could someone so tiny be so powerful?_ He wondered trying to remember to keep his mind shielded from her but it didn't seem to matter since she responded to his spoken questions, how could he not realize he was talking out loud. "You think I'm scrawny?" She shouted her eyes flashing in anger again, replacing the hurt he'd seen moments before.

"No no! I wasn't meaning it like that Nik!" He defended holding both his hands, mechanical and flesh, out in front of him.

"Don't call me that!" She shot, he didn't have the right to call her by that.

"Nik please stop being mad at me, I just want to talk."

She scoffed at him called her "Nik" again but decided to not argue over that little thing at the moment. "Oh really?" She threw her head back and laughed, stepping closer and closer slowly. "Coming from you! Who's been pushing me away for the past 3 months?"

It really had been a long 3 months for him, it wasn't easy resisting her soft voice or concerned eyes but something inside him simply refused to let her back in. He knew all she wanted was to be there for him, to offer him comfort when he really needed it most… but he just didn't want to accept it. She had left him after all.

"Who's been cold and terrible to the person who wanted nothing more than to help and comfort-"

"Me…" he said quietly and she stopped, "I've been like that… because I was afraid to lose you. I was afraid that… I don't know what I was afraid of! I was being…" He frowned as the word came to mind, _the old bat was right…_ "I was being foolish…"

Nikalette made a sound and it brought Atton's gaze back up to her, "but I swear Nik…. I swear I'll be better… I want to have what we had. You... out of everyone I've ever known…. You're the only one."

"Only one what?" She said in a voice so quiet it was almost inaudible.

"You're the only one I trust… the only one I've ever cared about."

Nikalette made a sound and tucked her, already tucked, hair behind her ear before running up to him and wrapping her arms around his middle, pressing the side of her face against his chest, and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. "I love you… please let me back in…" She whispered, trying her best to have an even voice.

He let out a regretful sigh and tilted his head to press his face into the top of her head… _Welcome back_ crossed his mind but he wasn't trying to be cheesy. "I'm sorry" He settled for that…

"Me too…"

Together they tightened their grips around one another in silent "I forgive you"'s before pulling away.

Nikalette smiled and grabbed his mechanical hand fearlessly; trying to show him that there was no shame in his new arm, she had always figured that played a part in how he reacted to her, and led him over to her bunk sitting Indian style at the head of the bed and patted the spot between her legs playfully, a brilliant smile on her face – one he hadn't seen in over half a year.

"Atton… please." She continued; patting the spot again. Deciding he had nothing else to do and he couldn't deny her, not now, he walked over and rolled onto the spot, his head resting between her legs, his own legs stretched out all the way to the foot of the bed. Her hands hovered over his shoulders before finally resting on them, "I was just scared that I was losing you." She whispered her hands moving to the base of his neck and up to his jaw line where her fingers rested and stroked gently. "I loved you… from the beginning… you and your roguish ways." She smiled and leaned down further, earning a small smile from him.

"You're not the first." He joked and turned his head so his face was pressed between her leg and arm. Atton felt her hand smack his shoulder before it went up into his hair and teased the strands pulling gently every so often.

"but I will be the last." She insisted and he turned his head to look back up at her, her face leaning down close to his, her hair creating a red curtain around them. He blinked sleepily, happy for the first time in months.

"Absolutely," he reached up and grabbed her other hand, the other that was not playing with her hair and held it tightly. "I'm sorry for scaring you… I will never leave you." He smiled sadly which was met with a bright smile of hers.

"Nor I you…" She replied and leaned closer to his face by bending over ever so slightly, he smiled brightly, replacing the sad one in seconds.

After a moment of silence and staring out the window at the fantastic display of stars speeding by Atton looked up at her and twisted his face in a curious look. "So what's up with the bloody lip and bad foot?"

She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear again, "You punched me in the face… and then when I was mad I kicked the bunk."

"I did what!"


End file.
